Ancient Romans and Nazis

A patient of mine ,  a World War Two veteran by the way started talking politics during a visit.

 I must clarify here that I have utmost respect for World War Two veterans . They are indeed the greatest American generation and therefore when one of them talk , I merely listen and try not to open my mouth unless I am asked a question.

He made an interesting comment . He says 

“Today’s  American have become a cross between ancient Romans and Nazis”

This took me by surprise until he explained

“We have more then any body has ever had in the history of the world and we still want more . We throw away more food then other nations eat”

Ok that sounds like ancient Romans but why nazis 

The guy smiles and ask me what I know about Iraq war. I try not to comment on that. I never make a political statement during a physician – patient interaction. 

“We  kill people without thinking of consequences . We think that just because we are americans we are right” 



So I get a page . I am in a patients room . I get out and answer the page . A nurse from 12th floor is looking for me but she is with a patient so I am put on hold . After 5 minutes I break the connection and go up to the 12th floor . The nurse is still busy . Another nurse gives me a paper I need to sign . I sign it, ask if they need anything else and go back to my work.

Get a page again. The same nurse. I am put on hold . Five minutes later she come on the phone . She can’t find my orders . I explain to her where they are. Then I am back to work.

I started with 18 patients and have got 9 new ones. No lunch. I have planned my day down to each minute. Basically I am on roller skates.

Get a page again. Same nurse but of course she is with a patient so I have to hold . This time for close to 10 minutes.

I thought when somebody pages me they need me . Why would they page me if their issue can wait. If you want me , talk to me.

Is it too much to ask of a nurse to page a doctor only when you can talk to him. And God forbid if you get angry. Heavens will move if you ever express your unhappiness.

Pain med

So a teenager walked in my office . I knew his grandparents and knew they were very close to being dirt poor . This dude wore 200 dollar boots, fairly expensive ( possibly 600 to 800 dollars) duster and a Swiss watch .

He asked me for pains meds possibly Percocet since his back was hurting. When a teenager knows his pain meds by name that’s a red flag . If he appears to be independently rich that’s another red flag. If he does not have any reason to need pain meds that’s a big red flag. The whole picture spells out high school drug dealing.

Any guess to whether or not I gave him the script he  wanted.


So I got a call from a pharmacy.

The pharmacist asked me “have you prescribed OxyContin to mr xyz”

I remembered xyz being not a very bright man , but did not remember any reason for OxyContin.

I replied “No ,I don’t recall”

” well he came in with a script for OxyContin. I thought it looked funny . Didn’t look like your writing . The signature was weird too ”

” let me go to my office and check quickly though”

I thanked God for the advantages of being in a small town . The pharmacist know my handwriting and the office is close enough that I can just go check. Sure enough that prescription was not by me. The pharmacist called the police and that man was taken To jail  . He was released on bail to show for hearing etc.

That’s when I remember the guy once told me how good a hunter he is . I remembered he told me he owned more then two dozen guns.

Did I just sign my death sentence. Maybe I should have given him  the OxyContin. So what if he made a few bucks selling OxyContin . May be he was doing a service. A public service . Perhaps I should call him and apologize . Give him a new prescription.

The next few weeks were terrible. There was a patch of trees behind my office . I usually parked right by it. Now I started to park way from it and walked across the parking lot. Did get some exercise though. Sometimes however since people never saw me walk before and didn’t believe I could they sometimes stopped their cars by me to ask me if I was doing ok and if I needed a lift.  Naturally I would get so startled by their stopping  that I earned  the nickname of Doctor startle .

My personal office window also opened to those trees. My chair which used to be right In front of that window now sat away from it. I had to lean on my right and squint to look at my computer screen. Lot of spellning mistakes in my notes from those days .

Every time I heard a loud sound . I thought it was the   end .  Scenes of Heaven and hell started coming  in my dreams. I became the most virtuous man alive . Giving to charity . Being sweet to my wife and children and every human in general.

If somebody cut me off in traffic I would be like ‘ thanks brother I did nt need to go that fast anyways,’

If a telemarketer called just as I was about to have dinner’yes of course I would listen to you my good man. Do you have a new phone service or are you sending me on vacation for free’ I freaked them out so much that the telemarketer started to hang up on me . I think they put my number on a do not call list , without me ever asking .

Scary few weeks.

It really was all in my head though. That man never came back to me . Eventually he did go to prison for a short sentence.