Ovarian cyst

An er doctor called me , a female doctor no less and wanted me to admit a young female because she had an ovarian cyst

I’m  like ” aren’t they common and usually of no concern ”

” well she came with abdominal pain and thats the only thing I can find”

“But that doesn’t mean it is the cause of the pain”

“Her ct is normal otherwise ”

“Is the cyst ruptured or something abnormal with the cyst ”

“No but I’m not a gynecologist!, that’s why I want to admit . We don’t have gynecologist until morning”

I looked at the ct scan while on the phone

“It looks like a simple cyst” I said

“So” she said 

“How about simple gastroenteritis . Does she have nause , diarrhea any vital signs ?”

“Well yeah ”

“So then why are you worried about the ovarian cyst if it is not ruptured and there is no torsion”

“I believe she needs admission to have all this sorted out, if you don’t want to admit I will call somebody else”

I admitted the patient and then discharged her In a few hours with a diagnosis of gastroenteritis . Er dicks should know that ovarian cyst are ubiquitous in young females and are of no concern unless they develop complication . Most of the time they go away by themselves.

I suspect that they do know all this but because they are so busy , because they would rather please a patient who wants to be admitted then talk to her in detail , because they have the fear of lawsuits on their head and because now Hospitalist are available  all the time they would rather admit the patient then spend more time and energy on solving a problem. 

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Open marriage

so a patient , a good looking blonde woman in early forties sat in front of me complaining about her husband.

They had been in an open marriage for probably more then ten years but now there was trouble in paradise.

Both the spouses had been my patient for many years . As usual I never cared about what and who they did In the bedroom.

“He fucks her behind my back. Never even tells me about it ”

Remember it’s an open marriage .

“I thought you were ok with this”

“I was ok with this when I was younger, when I could get as many men as he could get girls”

“well”

“we invited this girl to a threesome a few times , she is young and hot and now she is fucking him all the time ,all the time”with more emphasis

“hmm”

“She is a bitch”

“I understand”

“How do I stop him ”

“Hmm. I see the problem”

“I can only get old guys now . He can get any girls he wants”

What I wanted to say was 

“Well,you should have thought about it when you brought a younger and hotter girl to a threesome”

Or

“Sorry about the current double standards which persists in our society, but perhaps it’s time to let your husband know you don’t want an open marriage or any marriage”

Or  what I really wanted to say 

“How is this my problem. The guy still in waiting room may have a ruptured appendix and I am sitting here talking to you about your crazy love life”

My residency program director voice hammered into my head .

“You don’t have to like your patients , but you still have  to take care of them to the best of your abilities”

Therefore what I really said was.

” I feel sorry for you. This is indeed a bad situation , perhaps I can refer you to couples counseling and maybe we can find a solution for this problem”

I hate you Sir for being my teacher.

 

 

 

 

Vaccination

There are Some people who still don’t believe in the whole idea of an expanding and rotating universe . They still believe that the universe revolves around them. We call them republicans and we try to avoid discussing science with them because when they talk science you find out things which no other scientists have ever discovered and we wonder wether all the other  scientist in the world , the ones who are actually running the labs are wrong.

Donald trump says vaccines cause autism . Ben Carson the surgeon and rand guy says there are too many vaccines , implying not all are needed. The hp ceo says it should be personal choice to create or destroy herd immunity .

Ok. Maybe American public is smart enough to see throught this but this Same American public voted for a senseless and useless Iraq War which is still killing innocent people everyday in the form of Isis or daesh or whatever you want to call it. So it appears that yes they can be manipulated .

So could people stop vaccination merely because they are republican and their favorite elder says vaccination is bad just like those guys  says global warming is not real therefor  making thousands stand behind burning coal .

What pissed me off is that I found a young healthy nurse , looks like he just jumped out of an army recruitment poster ,who works with immunosupprssed patients and still refuses a flu shot. 

I am not old or debilitated either but I get my flu shot only to protect my patients. If I get flu I may not even notice it but it could kill my patients so I take whatever risk is associated with the vaccine and protect my patients.

This nurse has Been asked to wear a mask at all times  until the flu season ends but a) he doesn’t do it and b) that’s not enough protection.

I have talked to several nurses over the years who stand against immunization. Nurses !

Why are we Americans so stupid and arrogant?

And I am sure this nurse has a Concealed carry permit too. That’s usually goes along with arrogant and stupid.

Sex and  Doctor Sexy MD

Over the course of 15 years I have worked in small  50 beds rural hospitals to big  million bed city hospitals and everything in between but for some strange reason nobody in the hospital has ever wanted to have sex with me .
Nobody ! No nurse , no doctors , not even the cleaning ladies!. Not even the nymphomaniac on the psyche ward.

 I have decided that the problem is me . I definitely  need to work out more and get a stylist or something because I am sure , based on all the hospital tv shows that a good lay is just around one of the hospital corridor and almost inside every closet.

Even the Ph.D. Doctors on tv seems to be getting illicit sex everywhere .

In my case every closet I open turns out to be the  janitor closet with the big burly janitor inside and even he is not interested.

Maybe I need to develop a Ptsd or some complicated past love life or perhaps find the one Doctor in the entire universe who paid for medical school by working as a lingerie model.
Or is there a slight chance that the hospital tv shows are wrong. Nah that can’t be!