Doctor cranky : why do you want to kill yourself
Patient : I don’t want to kill myself . I just want to go home today
Doctor cranky: today is Monday , you are in the hospital with overdose , you almost died . Last Tuesday you were at another hospital with same thing . The Friday before you were at yet another hospital with overdose and you almost died at that time too. Three overdoses in less then 10 days . That looks pretty suicidal to me
Patient : it’s not a crime to take your medicine
Doctor cranky : dude you are either very suicidal or earth shatteringly stupid or it could be both, but you are not leaving the hospital. Unfortunately I can’t let you kill yourself under my watch,intentionally or otherwise. I will get psyche involved. If you are lucky they may let you go home in a few days and perhaps you will either stop or figure out the proper way to do it.
I’m curious about whether you stay curious or whether you’re able to let it go. Reading about it I think I’d be curious. However, in practice, I was simply relieved. My liability gone… my responsibility gone. Warm wishes dear patient, I hope you find what you need. Oh and please don’t come back.
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The curiosity goes away after seeing about the 39 th similar patient . After that you just hope you never run into them again. Btw I didn’t exactly use the same words when I was talking to the real patient . Doctor cranky sometimes says stuff I don’t . I find it therapeutic.
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Totally understand. I’m working out a way to do both what I say and what I’m thinking at the same time. The thinking is far more funny. Aside from me being a professional patient; my brother is a surgeon.
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