Killer doctors

Apparently there are many. The most famous is Dr. Homes from Illinois. He is supposed to have killed 400 people. I saw him mentioned in supernatural the tv show. Cant believe it all to be true but even if half is, its prolific. Now i am looking at each of colleage in a special light.

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indigo

Indigo is the colour of my scrubs .  I wore scrubs almost all of my third year residency and almost all of my second year fellowship . I did not wear them the first year of fellowship because apparently our department chief liked the fellows to wear tie. I still have those scrubs. when i wore them i used to dream of the happy and fun-filled future  . Now, many , many years later I dream of the happy times I spent in those scrubs

Hate

A doctor is taking care of a Pacific islander. The man is on dialysis but since his immigration status is not legal he cannot get medicare, Medicaid or any kind of insurance to pay for his dialysis. I don’t know the details. It was not my own patient but some how he had come to United States  without the right papers. The Pacific islanders usually find immigration easy compared to Mexicans, South American and South Asians but  he had not signed the right stuff.

The doctor to the case manager, ‘ Is there anything we can do?’

‘No, not really. He can come to Emergency room every three days and get dialyzed.’

‘That’s crazy.’

‘It is, in California there may be some options, Of course he can go home. He will have better luck there. At the least it will take a few months.’

The doctor goes to talk to the guy. His whole family is there visiting him.

Now this is Trump era life, so every brown person is scared.

The daughter who has never seen the doctor before asks before he has time to say anything.

‘Where are you from.’

‘You mean where I was born?’

‘Yes.’

‘I am from Pakistan.’

‘Osama!’ collective sigh from several family members. This is several years after Osama was killed. Trump and Bannon are presidents. Osama is history but evidently not for them.

‘You muslim?’

‘Yes.’

‘We dont want you as my dad’s doctor. We are christians.’

‘OK.’ The doctor turns around and leaves.

F

‘Full of shit’or more politically and scientifically correct’ fecal impaction’ 

The patient may not know but this condition can easily be a battleground between nurses and doctors .

As a geriatrician I like to use the gentlest treatment possible which is some times soap suds enema until clear or even tap water enema however they require repeated administration and very gentle hands. In addition I like to add oral miralax.

 Surprisingly , a lot of nurses don’t have time for this . They prefer stronger drugs. The message here is to stay the course even when you are getting pages every fifteen minutes asking you to go the other way. As long as the patient tolerates it continue to ‘do no harm’

Doctor

Doctor cranky” so you were trying to kill Yourself  , again”

Patient “Yes”

Doctor cranky “With the same old medicines”

Patient”yes”

Doctor cranky” why don’t you guys learn. You know how much money and effort you have cost all of us who are trying to save your life. I really  wish you stop doing this . This is crazy. You are young. What could be so bad?”

Patient  “well..my girlfriend hates me because I don’t bring any money, but it’s not really my fault. My license is suspended on DUI . And thats because I have four children from four different women and they all keep calling me for money . I have to take some medicine and a drink now and then to calm me down . The worst thing is  I play call of duty at lest 10 hours a day and I keep dying in that too . All this nagging and bitching keeps me from concentrating ”

Doctor Cranky “you do know there is a train track which goes right through the town”