Overheard 

Two nurses talking in ICU about sky diving .

‘they were making my video from below but of course we can’t show it to any one ‘

‘ you didn’t wear your panties? ‘

‘Nope’

We live in a truly magnificient age.

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Yuck

Yuckiest experience as a physician : 

I was doing a pap smear as a resident . It was a routine scheduled pap .

Now , my Spanish is not that good . I was working with a translator. Later  I wished I spoke Spanish fluently. A few seconds could have made all the difference.

I inserted the forceps , opened it up . Took the smear . Saw some discharge . Took a few samples , asked the patient about pain or discomfort ,she said no . The translator of course helped me through the process .

I did bimanual exam which for the uninformed means I put my fingers in the vagina and palpate the cervix while my other hand is on top of the abdomen to see if there is tenderness .

Seeing that I was concerned about the discharge, the patient , through translator finally decided to inform me that she just had sex on her way to the clinic . 

My hand was still inside but did not take long to come  out. White ‘discharge’ glistening was on my gloved hand.

I still get nauseous when I think about it .

Cat

Somebody asked me what is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen in my career. It made me think about the cat.

At one point I covered a half way home for troubled youngsters and adults . Once I went there for a routine visit . A 19 yo girl came to me with scratches all over her, even  around her genitals.  I immediately called the nursing supervisor to investigate  what had happened 

The nursing supervisor pointed to the huge male housecat. Apparently the seduction of the cat by the girl had not gone as planned. 

The girl confessed . In addition to the cat she had apparently had sex with a door knob, various plumbing tools and had tried of course her charms on fellow boarders . Unfortunately because of the strict no-sex policy she had to finally resort to the cat.

She was started on ssri and the cat was saved.

There is nothing wrong with 19 year olds having voracious sex drives but the reason sex was not allowed on the premises was because literally everybody living there was either a victim of abuse or a perpetrator and in many cases both.

A lot of them were people who even the homeless shelters would not accept.

The girl’s sad background was that she had been abused repeatedly as a child and had even been pimped  by her own parents for petty sums of money. Now that she was older she had become an abuser  herself. 

She was initially taken in by authorities for protection . She later developed a history of repeatedly trying to molest younger children. The transition is far more common then normal people realize. She stayed in children’s homes and then finally this place.

They were all under the care of psychiatrists , and I am sure the psychiatrists were doing their miracles . 

I still wonder how many of them got unbroken. 

Ancient Romans and Nazis

A patient of mine ,  a World War Two veteran by the way started talking politics during a visit.

 I must clarify here that I have utmost respect for World War Two veterans . They are indeed the greatest American generation and therefore when one of them talk , I merely listen and try not to open my mouth unless I am asked a question.

He made an interesting comment . He says 

“Today’s  American have become a cross between ancient Romans and Nazis”

This took me by surprise until he explained

“We have more then any body has ever had in the history of the world and we still want more . We throw away more food then other nations eat”

Ok that sounds like ancient Romans but why nazis 

The guy smiles and ask me what I know about Iraq war. I try not to comment on that. I never make a political statement during a physician – patient interaction. 

“We  kill people without thinking of consequences . We think that just because we are americans we are right” 

Kim Davis

So Kim Davis refuses to marry gays and she is a hero but Doctors have to treat rapists and pedophiles and even murderers in the best of their capabilities.

My residency program director said in one of his last lectures to us  ” you don’t have to like your patients, you don’t have to be their friends but you do have to take care of them as best as you can regardless of who or what they are ”

And that is fine .I can keep my personal feelings out of my work . When you are paid to do something you have to do it . That is a millennia old truth.

If a doctor refuses to see a patient because of patients immorality , it’s rare but it does happen , they Lose money too.  I have a friend  in private practice who refuse to take care of pedophiles unless it’s an emergency. The fact that he lives in a very Bible part of middle America means he has lost quiet a few patients. He loses money because of his convictions .

Also, if he was government employed he would not  have this choice .

If Kim Davis does  not like her job she could quit.