Somebody asked me what is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen in my career. It made me think about the cat.
At one point I covered a half way home for troubled youngsters and adults . Once I went there for a routine visit . A 19 yo girl came to me with scratches all over her, even around her genitals. I immediately called the nursing supervisor to investigate what had happened
The nursing supervisor pointed to the huge male housecat. Apparently the seduction of the cat by the girl had not gone as planned.
The girl confessed . In addition to the cat she had apparently had sex with a door knob, various plumbing tools and had tried of course her charms on fellow boarders . Unfortunately because of the strict no-sex policy she had to finally resort to the cat.
She was started on ssri and the cat was saved.
There is nothing wrong with 19 year olds having voracious sex drives but the reason sex was not allowed on the premises was because literally everybody living there was either a victim of abuse or a perpetrator and in many cases both.
A lot of them were people who even the homeless shelters would not accept.
The girl’s sad background was that she had been abused repeatedly as a child and had even been pimped by her own parents for petty sums of money. Now that she was older she had become an abuser herself.
She was initially taken in by authorities for protection . She later developed a history of repeatedly trying to molest younger children. The transition is far more common then normal people realize. She stayed in children’s homes and then finally this place.
They were all under the care of psychiatrists , and I am sure the psychiatrists were doing their miracles .
I still wonder how many of them got unbroken.
Over the course of 15 years I have worked in small 50 beds rural hospitals to big million bed city hospitals and everything in between but for some strange reason nobody in the hospital has ever wanted to have sex with me .
Nobody ! No nurse , no doctors , not even the cleaning ladies!. Not even the nymphomaniac on the psyche ward.
I have decided that the problem is me . I definitely need to work out more and get a stylist or something because I am sure , based on all the hospital tv shows that a good lay is just around one of the hospital corridor and almost inside every closet.
Even the Ph.D. Doctors on tv seems to be getting illicit sex everywhere .
In my case every closet I open turns out to be the janitor closet with the big burly janitor inside and even he is not interested.
Maybe I need to develop a Ptsd or some complicated past love life or perhaps find the one Doctor in the entire universe who paid for medical school by working as a lingerie model.
Or is there a slight chance that the hospital tv shows are wrong. Nah that can’t be!
A sweet guy who has actually long since passed away once sat in my office. He was a friend as well as my patient. He had hepatitis c with cirrhosis and at that time was recently discovered to have hepatocellular carcinoma.
We were talking about what he wanted to do for the remaining few months of his life. Because of widely metastatic disease he was not considered a transplant candidate. He still drank and rolled his own cigarettes because the branded cigarettes were not strong enough and were shamelessly expensive.
Somehow the conversation turned to how he acquired the hepatitis c. He surprised me by saying he is very proud of the way he got it. Turns out he used to work in a traveling carnival. He used to be a “carnie”. During his travels he had sex with more than 600 women. He was in fact still in contact with several of them. Traveling with the carnival was the highest point of his life. Several of his partners turned out to hepatitis c positive .Most likely he acquired hepatitis c through sex.
He told me he loved most of the women he was with and most of the women loved him . Of course a lot of times they were not the same persons.
He wanted his ashes to be spread on a beach on the west coast .That was where he started as a ‘carnie’. I pointed out to him that his ashes may have too high a nicotine content for the fishes but he just laughed it off.For some strange reason he did not take me seriously on that.
He did not bear a grudge. He had no regret. When asked if he would rather not have had sex with all this women and be Hepatitis C free. He said he would do everything the same if he had to do it all over again except perhaps wear a condom.
I, being a one woman man was a little out of my element but after doing what I do for more than a decade I was not uncomfortable with the discussion. In fact I liked the man for being who he was. He was happy .Regardless of everything he had been through and was going to go through, he was happy.
If you take the fact that his biggest objective in life was to have sex with as much women as possible I would say he was successful also. A lot of men don’t get what they aim for . He was a successful and a happy man even if he was not considered so by the rest of the society.
Doctor, during a routine History and Physical on a new patient visit asks the patient :
” Number of sexual partners?”
The hipster girl stammers :
“Like last night? Or the night before”