Doctor

Doctor cranky” so you were trying to kill Yourself  , again”

Patient “Yes”

Doctor cranky “With the same old medicines”

Patient”yes”

Doctor cranky” why don’t you guys learn. You know how much money and effort you have cost all of us who are trying to save your life. I really  wish you stop doing this . This is crazy. You are young. What could be so bad?”

Patient  “well..my girlfriend hates me because I don’t bring any money, but it’s not really my fault. My license is suspended on DUI . And thats because I have four children from four different women and they all keep calling me for money . I have to take some medicine and a drink now and then to calm me down . The worst thing is  I play call of duty at lest 10 hours a day and I keep dying in that too . All this nagging and bitching keeps me from concentrating ”

Doctor Cranky “you do know there is a train track which goes right through the town”

Suicidal

Doctor cranky : why do you want to kill yourself

Patient : I don’t want to kill myself . I just want to go home today

Doctor cranky:  today is Monday , you are in the hospital with overdose , you almost died . Last Tuesday you were at another hospital with same thing . The Friday before you were at yet another hospital with overdose and you almost died at that time too. Three overdoses in less then 10 days . That looks pretty  suicidal to me 

Patient : it’s not a crime to take your medicine 

Doctor cranky : dude you are either very  suicidal or earth shatteringly stupid or it could be both, but you are not leaving the hospital. Unfortunately I can’t let you kill yourself under my watch,intentionally or otherwise.  I will get psyche involved. If you are lucky they may let you go home in a few days and  perhaps you will either stop or figure out the proper  way to do it.